I'm exhausted right now, but I really wanted to post on her birthday, I just didn't anticipate that the ice cream she ingested at dinner would cause such a crazy sugar high that her bedtime was pushed back an hour!
But I digress...I wanted to reflect on the fact that my baby is not much of a baby anymore, which is both sad and awesome. I feel like I was "in the moment" for a lot of Evey moments this year, but then I also regret waiting for her to get older so she'd be able to interact more or to get over whatever fussy period she was in.
But I think that's perfectly normal, I'm not a fan of the "enjoy every moment" saying, that's pure crap. How can anybody enjoy every moment of anything? I can't say I enjoyed my baby screaming bloody murder in her car seat, or feeling helpless as she fought a double ear infection; nope, no enjoyment there. I think better advice is to be as present as you can. I know I tuned out some things when I needed a mental break (thank you "Baby Signing Time" and my iPhone), and I don't regret doing that because I needed that time so I could be a better mom.
But, I do have a regret that I feel terrible about and still can't seem to shake. I've compared Evey's developmental status to other babies', which is natural, but you have to make sure you don't let it upset you, or depress you, or worry you, if your baby is not up to speed. I've had this problem because Evey seems to have taken longer to do most everything, and the cute girl is still not independently mobile, although she loves to walk while holding our hands, holding onto her walker, and, just recently, while cruising along the couch. I need to get over this, but it's hard because I feel like it's my fault, like I hindered her some way (me, not Chris, because I'm home with her three days a week, ridiculous), but I know all babies develop at their own pace and I need to chill and not worry so much about it.
So that's my regret, and it sucks, but that's ok. I don't regret holding Evey for hours for naps because she would wake up the instant I put her down. I got a lot of reading done and I got to snuggle with my kid. I don't regret nursing her this last year, even when we were cluster feeding for what felt like forever and, more recently, when she started to bite me (we've moved past this, but that sucked, it felt like nursing a newborn again!).
Anyway, this year has had its ups and downs, but I would do it all over again. Happy 1st Birthday to my wonderful baby/toddler girl; you are so ridiculously loved!
Birthday party and one year pics to come!
